What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
