Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
