Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
