I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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