I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
