I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
