you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
