I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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