I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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