I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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