Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
