College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
