My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm both gender and math confused
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
