I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
