I can text with my tongue
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
