Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
