I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
