Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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