So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
