So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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