They should really pass out barf bags in church
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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