She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
