I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
