Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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