Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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