apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
