WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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