Me too!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
