the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
