Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is the high leading the old right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
