the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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