i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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