When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
