i need an iv and a liver transplant
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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