I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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