thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
