thus making me awesome and them whores
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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