oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He better not be in your backpack
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
