I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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