I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
