Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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