Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
