every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
