i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
