What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
