I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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