I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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