i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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