Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
