Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
