u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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