Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have already put on my inside pants.