onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
