I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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