All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
