my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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