no, he came in my armpit
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
