One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
