Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
