please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
