When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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