He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
