i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
