everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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