Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
