Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
