She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
