Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
