my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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